1 Lost = 1 Step to Victory

Sigh... I really hate it when I get showed up so easily. I was on another server today, as the usual server was in a game mode I didn't wish to partake in, and well... sigh... I'm still fricken terrible. There was this player named etney.mms. He's a... basically at "god" level at Team Fortress 2. Knows exactly where to hit with the direct hit, very good at dodging on any class, and it's one heck of a challenging player... although I do wish he would ease up a bit, making the game hard enough than it should be.

I'm not gonna lie, with him getting a high accuracy with that direct hit, I was suspecting aimbotting, but was proved wrong as I didn't seen him actually twitch around, he just has very good aim and reflexes. Sigh... it's people like these that make me depressed that I still suck at something.

I did ask for some advice from him, and only tips he could give me were "don't use clutch weapons" which I don't exactly know what those are, so assuming just stock and reskins of stock weapons. He did mention about how long he's been playing the game, 1,506 hours, which is irrelevant since I have about the same time as him in record, 1,512 hours, and just totally suck than him. He's also able to read people's movements easily, where me reading people is like reading a novel the size of ANY Harry Potter book.

However, he does have a heart, which really confirmed he wasn't a bot (I didn't tell him about my thoughts of him being a bot because it would just be raging). There was another player who eventually went peaceful (does not attack or support in any way like capturing) and etney would ignore him since he wasn't a threat. I've seen a lot of hardcore players in TF2... but he is one of the few that gives respect (although accidents do happen).

I remember a quote I once said, "Every loss is one step closer to victory." Even if it means you must be dominated quickly... eventually (for me forever or never) you learn your mistakes and get better.

Right now I can REALLY use a teacher on some classes in that game. I don't know if I'm getting better or just only lucking out. I still can't tell... Guess it varies on the map, teams, current situation on the playing field, and how mentally focused I am. There are training maps but... I don't exactly know how to train myself with them. There are guides too, but even reading doesn't always help (also hated studying for assignments in school, just so fricken boring! If only I had study buddies or a very good teacher, which are very rare to me) or watching vids. I see how it is done, but I can't, no matter how hard I train and try, get it just right. Maybe... Actually I do give up too easy on myself when I train.

Trying not to let frustration and anger get to me, but eventually it reaches my limit; at times quickly. Really don't want to sell myself short but... I guess I'm just... average and not to be relied on for anything. I always let doubt get to me when in tight situations, pressure, and stress. Also let my ego get to me when I'm getting a lot of kill streaks in one life, always thinking I'm getting better when suddenly a player shows up and just destroys me with little chance to fight back. Half of the time I don't even know what I'm doing to be so great or horrible!

I lack reflexes, aim, avoidance, proper knowledge of the weapons and items for certain classes, etc. 1,512 hours of TF2 and I'm still playing like a novice. I should just cut my losses and uninstall the game. It's no fun when you can't get any better than you already can. I'll just have to find another game to play... just can't get any better, no matter how hard I try.