Can't Sleep

It's 5am, tried to sleep at around 3, only got an hour worth of sleep. Too much on my mind, too many doubts about myself. Feel too much like a failure, too much of a curse. Like in a TF2 game: I join one team, we lose; I switch teams, the other team starts to win. It happens too much to be a coincidence. I'm just bad luck around people, even myself.

No matter what decision I make, it's always a bad one. I can't learn from my mistakes. No matter how hard I try I can't get better at anything. I'm too judgmental, too arrogant, too ignorant. I have no respect for others, because it's been difficult for me to give any, just like trust. I don't know how to change for the better, got no one watching over me and showing me what I'm doing wrong. I keep blaming it on others--often I'm right.

E.E. Fan Animation

E.E. Fan Animation

Something I made a few years ago for contest to win a shroomie plushie... it's cute and still in the plastic package it came in... it has a hole in it don't worry. Basically, submit any fan work--art, music, animation, video, etc.--and you enter a chance to win. While mine wasn't showcased in the forums, I was given the reward.


...I do feel guilty me and others got the plushie and afraid that others will be wanting one, when it's going to be impossible now since EER (Earth Eternal Reborn) is closing down, again, due to the company not listening to their community and shooing away their vets and fans, which are accused of the game's downfall last time.


There's more to that... but it's not worth bringing up here.

Many Tries, Getting Worse

By Knux-The-Killer

Seems like no matter how many times I try to get better at something, I always end up getting worse. Wish I new what my talent is... I used to play the recorder during late elementary... but lost interest somehow in it. I'm not very athletic, not very descriptive enough to make stories, be a critic, or something. Don't have much patience for art, can't really sing without my throat getting sore and/or filled with saliva quickly. Not very sociable, difficult to play with.

Easily outspoken, always taken advantage of... not much room for me to speak. Don't have anything to contribute or benefit on. I really got nothing...

One friend says I'm fun... but I just don't see it... if I'm so fun... then why am I rarely invited? This is both depressing and upsetting... "Everyone has a purpose" as the saying goes... apparently I don't have one. 

Journal Entry #10

Haven't made an entry for awhile... guess there hasn't been much to post lately.

For the past week, beaten 3 (out of 4) games that I gotten free from a raffle event from a steam group--yes it's a legit group and the contest was a random pick of two people. Prize condition: Pick any games that lead up to a value of $35 OR one game of $50 value. I picked 4, which was 4 cents away to the max.

1. Puzzler World (Bunch of puzzle games)
2. LIMBO (Indie Noir-like Game)
3. Jolly Rover (Cartoon Adventure Game, good for new players in the genre)
4. Bastion (Epic RPG Game)

Journal Entry #9

Nerf War!

Victor: Who cares? IT WAS FUN!

The youth group (about 5 members from middle to high school, somewhat including me) held a Nerf war at the church tonight, from 5 to 8, for a good 1 1/2 hours (took about an hour for them to set up the area with tables and such). I don't have modern Nerf guns that I could bring to be used in the event, did bring the three I got from 90's and early 2000's. They look good, but the performance is decent to awful. I haven't used them in years, just been on a shelf collecting dust.