Bad Day

Over the weekend and Monday I had good eventful days. Made a bank account (needed mom's assistance with it), able to cash in my checks that were pilling up since late October, Jazz Service at the church, Grandma's "Music Salon" which was her (postponed, due to recent death of Grandpa) birthday celebration, and then game night. Eventful good days and happy moments. Tuesday was a calm/lazy day, well needed after the weekend + Monday events. Wednesday, however, was just bad for me.

I haven't logged into the Tf2 server since last Saturday, because of so much that happened over the weekend and Monday. Tuesday I just didn't bother. Wednesday, was just stressful.

I go into the server, they're in a mode that I'm not too fond of, Arena. Especially when it has plenty of hardcore players in it. Just wouldn't be fun to me, especially with a certain few that enjoys making never ending sarcastic remarks and put downs, thinking they're just being funny when they're getting personal with those comments.

I spectate till it's in a game mode I'd prefer to be in. Eventually we get to a peaceful map, dm_ponycorrupt_b6, putting "peaceful" loosely since chaos usually happens on those maps one way or another. So I'm trying to practice my sniping in spawn (they can shoot in spawn due to no spawn protection, server has a god-mode plug-in just for these kinds of things) and I get bullied just because I'm just practicing my sniping in spawn.

In all honesty, I didn't really care if they were better at it than me. I just wanted to snipe. They had the right to kill me outside of the spawn as a sniper (usually) or something, but not come into the spawn to kill me instead, which some that were harassing me were doing. Some tried to provoke me by coming outside of spawn to snipe, but didn't care. Just wanted to practice sniping, not have a battle while as a sniper. Saw nothing to prove to them anyway, really no point in it. Never said I was better than them, already know they are, so what point is there?

What made this day worse was that at times people can read my moves like a book, while I can't read them. It's usual anyway, and just flukes in my case if I'm able to read them, or just plain lucky. Or just get very unlucky and miss point blank shots or end up directly in front of someone's field of view.

Don't get much help, advice, no one kindly points out my flaws in any class, and not even any credit of trying without it sounding sarcastic or a put down. At least I'm not hiding and cowarding like others do in certain game modes where it'll be technically stalling the match to no end.

Sigh... part of me just wants to uninstall the game, let them have their "undying wish of making me quit" as I'm starting to view it. Not like I'm welcomed to the server anyway, or so it feels. Another part of me feels I'm just being too hard on myself after one bad day. I don't know... not like anyone is being supportive to me when I come on. Don't have many games to play anyway...

Seems like I'm only welcomed in one community, with open arms, hugs, and tuna... sadly the game isn't up 24/7, yet, and the forums aren't always active, but have moments it's active for a few days in a row before it dies down. Just hope the fame, that just somehow happened on its own, I'm getting there doesn't go to my head.

Trying the best I can, yet people keep thinking that "I believe I'm better than them" when I clearly don't. Prefer if they stop rubbing it in though, wouldn't make much of a difference since their point has clearly been made a long time ago. Don't really wish to fight them since I already know I'm no match for them one on one anyway.

Rather fight people more at my skill level... getting difficult to find those though. If they're too easy to battle, I'll just ignore them (if possible); too difficult, try to ignore them. Want a challenge, but not over the top... I'm the type of guy that prefers to gradually get experience between wins and losses, not bulldozed to no end.