Feel of a Little Guilt

While I'm having fun on Mabinogi, I have also been lucky as well, or so it feels like, and getting powerful too... however, I seem to have lost track of why I started playing in the first place... to have fun with my friends. Even when they're not online, I am. Guess Mabinogi got me addicted to it.

With the events right now, was able to find items that people would drop on the ground like equipment, or find good weapons and clothes from treasure chests or drops. Even though I know my inventory can't hold so much, I keep finding these things. Selling them though isn't exactly easy since I don't exactly know the market that all well yet and don't know how to sell them either without them taking up space in my inventory.

Right now I feel like I'm leaving a friend behind even though she started roughly before me. So far we're on the same story quest, I like to keep it that way, but I don't want to exceed more than her, but around the same. She is good, but lack of time to play where she lives... and I just continue to progress on further than her. I feel ashamed right now.

While me and a another friend have found good weapons and items in the event, I want her to take part of the event too. When it comes to events in MMOs, they get addicting and at time offer too much than what is needed, in most cases for me have trouble storing them. There are equips that I found that I didn't really work hard for... just lucking out left and right... yet it's starting to feel wrong.

I'll try to slow down, don't want her to feel she's weak and inadequate to me. I do want her to part take in battles and quests, and I don't want to steal any of that from her. There is one other thing about Mabinogi that now bugs me... how easy it is to progress in the game. I did give most of the finds in the event to my other friend who will have better use for them, and because of inventory space issues for me.

I really need to prioritize myself better... 'cause right now I'm a bit of a mess in the game. The event won't end for a few weeks. There is another event I want my friend to part take with me and another friend. I don't aim to be the strongest or better player... just to have fun, and I lost sight of that path very easily because of fear of being weak and not able to protect my friends.

I think while she's offline, I'm not gonna do any combat, quests that give a lot of exp, or things that give me a lot of exp. Instead I'll pay attention to my life skills except commerce. Life skills are difficult to level up and take a lot of time to do, while combat is easy. However, I'm trying to find some herbs that require me to go into dungeons to find them... so far my little luck isn't getting me that. Right now I'm able to find them in a dungeon that offers little exp to me, so no harm there. If anything, I would like to level down a few levels, at least 10, so I'm more close with my friend. Rather not risk take the path of being an arrogant show off like the leader of a guild is on the Alexina server.

Feel full of greed and pride right now, and I don't want those to build a wall between me and my friends. Friendship means a lot to me, and I hate to lose it. I think when she's offline and I'm done practicing my life skills I'll play another game that is more casual... right now I don't want Mabinogi to be another addicting drug to me. This has happened to me before in the past on Trickster and ToonTown... I do not wish for it to happen again for the third time.

Nalena, if you're reading this, I want to continue to have fun with you and Fang. When I'm in a game like Mabinogi, I just lose myself and continue to push through with or without help from anyone or friends; usually a soloist when it comes to MMORPGs or attempt to be, don't want to be anymore... it's never fun in the end. I do want to give you fair chances to practice your archery skills in battle, and I want to be there in case things get too rough for you as back up, or at least stall an enemy for you to attack. I refuse to throw away friendship for power and greed. You are strong, but I don't want you to feel unneeded around me. Fang is strong too, he can get a bit carried away, however there are at times where we do need his support nonetheless, and he has more knowledge of the game than we do in some degree.

Some players have asked to duel me lately, at times I would feel tempted to, but would strongly remind myself that taking part of PvP combat will never be a good idea for me, and I'll just kindly refuse and say "PvP isn't my thing, sorry." I'll get too thick headed, get blinded in anger, be in a huge need of being powerful, and risk losing friends and become anti-social again. I rather PvP if it is really needed, not to show off how powerful I am. As for sparing purposes... it is something I will have to think about.

I'm gonna pay more attention to my life skills, except commerce... I'm more than fine in combat skills for now.

Right now, I want to get the required number of herbs to make a herb farm in my home stead, work on my tailoring talent some more, and somewhere in the mix sort out my inventory. I'm gonna put combat on low priority for now, I'm too ahead of myself on that and need to put the breaks at once.