Boredom... a Crude Virus

For the past few week or so, been rather bored... very bored actually. I really don't know what to do these days!

Every day I wake up, get some sort of breakfast, usually cereal, be on my laptop, listen to music, play some video games, alone, sleep and repeat. I don't have much of a creative mind... especially since it's not really being appreciated these days or lack of feedback. I can't really draw that all well... and writing stories is something I always put myself into a corner. Reading, like novels and non-fiction, majority just puts me to sleep, even if it is easy reading. Can't really find a hobby that will stick either for me, or that I can continue doing.

Exciting days for me are really rare now... and I still have trouble expressing my creativity.

I'm really bored... in the mood for some Logic Puzzles, but I don't know where to find those or if there's even a book of them.

Even if there is a book of them, I can't make any want purchases, since this "job" I have of running the sound board at church will only pay me for weddings and funerals and not for regular services. Dad had my hopes up for it... he brought it up pre-maturely though, since he mention they would need to figure out how to get money to pay me for regular services, and not just for weddings and funerals, which are both rare at this church. Since I have no clue of the church's budget, I can't really raise a complaint... the church, from what I can tell in speculation, is slowly dying. It's not a big church anyway... but not really poor either i believe, just a low budget.

For now, my money is for "emergency use only"... what that qualifies to will depend on any situation and circumstances. Have around $350 I believe on me. No money under my name in a bank since I don't have a frequent paying job... and this "job" I have isn't really encouraging me to job seek either, given the circumstance. I always do a lot of kind things to people... and I'm rarely rewarded for it, and that prevents me from seeing that I'm doing the right thing when it only tells me I'm doing the wrong thing, or leave me in a confusing circle of "did I do right or did I do wrong?". I need constant reassurance if I'm doing something right or wrong... constant reassurance. No response will just have me thinking in a confusing circle or that I did it wrong, and if I think I did it wrong, I might try to think of something else, but would have doubts on it, which would lead to a different confusing circle of "if I did it wrong, maybe I should try this. But if I did it right, I shouldn't be worried. Or should I just wait it out for a result to show?".

My mentality is a big mess, I know.