Lately, I've get these feelings that something is calling me... not just anything, but the school district I graduated from. So far the calls have only been wanting me to take a walk to the elementary school I went to, behind a fence, and look at it. Same with the high school, but on top of a hill at a local church. Haven't gotten any callings from the middle school, however.
I don't know if I should ignore these or... just take a walk to those two places when they call. I could use some air anyway. Who knows... if I visit them, meaning looking at them from a distance and reminisce, I may find something in my mind for closure or fix on how I remember. It is summer break so... got plenty of time.
My mind is still in those buildings... feeling fragments were left behind when I graduated, not given a proper exit. Only thing similar to this was a 60 mins segment that was aired in late May. 60 Minutes Presents: Honoring our troops (It was on Memorial day weekend for USA) jump to 16:30 and watch that segment of Operation: Proper Exit. I know this isn't a really good and accurate comparison, but it's the closest I can make at this time.
My years in school have really traumatized me... and I'm afraid to go back to college, let alone get a real job, without my haunts coming back. I want to go to college with a friend or two I can actually count on for help and isn't so busy with their life that I'm pretty much ignored or a low priority, despite I don't want them to put their life on hold for me. Till I find at least one... I just can't go back to college. It'll only be a repeat... and my haunts will only get stronger.
If I could just... walk in those school hallways with a close friend by my side... I might be able to find something for closure. I believe is something that'll help. I could try by myself... but honestly don't know how that'll turn out, and I rather feel comfortable walking with someone I know and trust the most.
I just want these haunts to stop... to stop holding me back. I'm in need of closure.
*pets gently*
ReplyDeleteSchool is traumatizing for some, a happy time for others... all depends on if one's in front of the bullies or behind.
I was "lucky" to be aside, in forced solitude from the rest of the class... still, I can relate to those in front of the bullied from what I've seen.
Anyways, The best way to get closure is searching and accepting it.
That's my two pennies at least.
If all else fails, know you have one who will listen to whatever you say.
At least these years, I have the choice whom to listen to instead of just hearing everyone else.