Journal Entry #12

Niece and Nephew visited tonight. Glad this visit was very tolerable... seems I can handle kids when they're not so hyper and screaming their heads off. ...guess I still wouldn't be able to be a good parent... if I ever want to have children that is; currently don't but time may change that. Helped my nephew with math, simplifying fractions. I'm very good in math so tutoring was easy (sort of).

Thoughts of "MLK Day"?

While preparing food for me, Dad asked me a question, "What are your thoughts of MLK Day?" Which also implies to how modern African Americans (A.A.) use their freedom as well.

This is my perspective, try not to take it out of proportion. I have no hate on Africans Americans... but I am slightly paranoid of them (varies on how I first see them in appearance and character).

Does Love Exist for Me?

Feeling a bit depressed right now... just found out the class slut is married and has a 1 year born. Yet another person I know from my class/generation who is engaged/married or had at least one love relationship. ...I know I'm still young and have plenty of time--if I had a dollar every time I heard that phrase, I'd have $50 or so (USD).

I wish I wasn't so shy, nervous, scared, paranoid, judgmental, quiet, boring and depressing in real life when I'm around people I don't know, or barely know; plus I find myself constantly saying stupid depressing things. I may have said this before... but I've tried to be social, lighten up and expand my horizons... but in most cases never catches on. I give one thing a try and I either forget about it or accept it into my life.

"The Five People You Meet In Heaven"

Just saw a heart warming movie, "The Five People You Meet in Heaven". Based on the novel from Mitch Albom, author of "Tuesday with Morrie".

It was on the TV my folks were watching when I walked in the room... it really grabbed me, missed a few minutes of it, but minor details is all. It's one of those "heart warming", "gets to you", "possible afterlife path" thought movie. Dad chocked in tears, after the second person of five, on who the protagonist meets in his afterlife to heaven, that between the third and forth... tears were threatening to come from my eyes. It's hard for me to let out emotions, so it was easy to hold them off. Didn't want to show weakness... but that's just a cop out.

At Times, it Hurts to Accept

From Chapter 68: "December", Page 39
By Veronica “Taeshi” Vera

I know I made a similar entry like this back in October (Related to a Character)... but this slightly different. In this final page of the chapter, that ended in December 30th (had to take some time to get my thoughts together), this page reminded me of how I had to accept the truth that "she" wouldn't love me back, that times changed us both, despite how long I had a crush on "her" and how long I waited to see "her" again, with a side of desperation for love.

In this page, Lucy is finally accepting the fact that Mike, whom she had a crush on for years, doesn't have the same feelings for her, and doesn't want to be friends anymore, after a one sided argument with Mike, where Mike finally spoke his feelings about Lucy. (Read the chapter for more details).

While I never had such an argument with my crush... I can still relate to Lucy's reaction and her accepting the truth from what Augustus said to her in the Library.

I am glad my crush... well ex-crush I should have been saying, has found someone she's happy with. I know it's a distance... but I'm glad to know she's still happy with him.