Free Time With No One

Got all this free time and nothing to spend it on... thought I finally found it from Rusty Hearts but due to PWE's error and their poor customer support, I now have nothing to do.



By pandarainbow

Really bored... tried to play games with friends, but since I have no credit card of my own, no job, and very limited game purchasing, I'm at a huge stand still. I have yet to find a job I would enjoy doing, or at least tolerable. Nothing is really grabbing me... I want to play with friends, but I always end up with friends that eventually forget about me, are too good at the game than me, or not able to be a good team. There's no habit of playing with a friend anymore for me these days. I always feel like I would be a burden to them, like I was to others before them. I always end up being a burden to them... most, if not all, always find a way to get me out of their lives. I'm always told to move on... but every time I do, I always get the same results. I just don't know what to do without getting the same result anymore. Afraid to make any move, new or old.

Most of my childhood and teenage years was me playing video games alone, by myself. Few times with friend(s), but they were very rare. It's pretty much scare for me now. I'm more a soloist in video games these days, because in the past when I ask for help I either got lack of or no help at all, whether it was school, video games, general questions, etc.

By pandarainbow

Eventually isolated myself from the others throughout my school life, because I couldn't trust them anymore... still am to this day as I cannot let go of the bad results and memories. I cannot let go of them because they always repeat, gripping onto those bad memories even tighter. I'm trying to be happy, so hard... but because of my limitations and tight grip of these bad memories, it's nearly impossible for me. Only one friend I know right now is trying very hard to keep me happy. I'm treasuring this love so much that I do not want to lose this, not again. I feel my generation has abandoned me. I only have a few people to turn to... however they can only be reachable by Internet access. I'm trying to find someone in person, in real life, that I could turn to... but I have yet to find this person, or is at least qualified.

I'm running out of options, and time. I can't pick myself up anymore. I've tried many times for at least four years... the pieces are getting smaller and smaller. There is not enough glue or tape to put them back together again, not alone anyway. I'm trying to find a source of motivation, confidence, and hope... but I can never find a source big enough to last. Seeing the bright side of things is impossible for me by myself.

...I really don't know what to do in my life... and where I am is not beneficial for me. Don't have the power or energy to move from this place either.

Update: Finally got my PWE account unbanned.