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| By Flare |
"I remember what they taught to me. Remember condescending talk of who I ought to be. Remember listening to all of that and this again, so I pretended up a person who was fittin’ in and now you think this person really is me and I’m trying to bend the truth, but the more I push the more I'm pulled away 'cause I'm lying my way from you."
Don't know where to start on this... Sometime in middle school I was getting tired of being pushed around. Eventually, I made up a person that would look tough and not to be messed with. Apparently I dwelld into that person too much as I was sorta liking the results, even though it did cost a huge sacrifice: friends and comfort. Ended up in isolation and solitude.
For years I've tried to throw away this part of me... but it only comes back because I'm either too scared to go without it or I retreat back to it, perhaps both. I don't like this new me anymore... but it's the only thing I got to distant myself from people that I don't have a connection with... which at the same time causes paranoia. I always think some person I haven't met is suspicious, observations does change that though.
I know not everyone is a bad person... but I'm not a people person. I've tried as a kid during elementary, tried less during middle school... tried here and there in high school. I will admit the results were good... but they were only seeing me as I wanted them to see, not for who I really was: a softy wanting to get stronger. During high school P.E., during the weightlifting period, some of the boys made attempts to get me some muscles, mainly for the reason to get girls, which I found a bit offended by that. Keep in mind I didn't want to throw away the chase to admit to my crush about my feelings, if we ever met again. Besides, there was no other girl to impress. Maybe I should've gave them a chance anyway... I know they were trying to help but their ambitions wasn't something I saw eye-to-eye.
I blow things out of proportion... probably because of my paranoia and lack of trust and understanding. Hard for me to take things at "face value".
Picture is by my ol' friend "Flare". Fan-art of Disney's Toontown Online.
Linkin Park - Lying From You
Don't know where to start on this... Sometime in middle school I was getting tired of being pushed around. Eventually, I made up a person that would look tough and not to be messed with. Apparently I dwelld into that person too much as I was sorta liking the results, even though it did cost a huge sacrifice: friends and comfort. Ended up in isolation and solitude.
For years I've tried to throw away this part of me... but it only comes back because I'm either too scared to go without it or I retreat back to it, perhaps both. I don't like this new me anymore... but it's the only thing I got to distant myself from people that I don't have a connection with... which at the same time causes paranoia. I always think some person I haven't met is suspicious, observations does change that though.
I know not everyone is a bad person... but I'm not a people person. I've tried as a kid during elementary, tried less during middle school... tried here and there in high school. I will admit the results were good... but they were only seeing me as I wanted them to see, not for who I really was: a softy wanting to get stronger. During high school P.E., during the weightlifting period, some of the boys made attempts to get me some muscles, mainly for the reason to get girls, which I found a bit offended by that. Keep in mind I didn't want to throw away the chase to admit to my crush about my feelings, if we ever met again. Besides, there was no other girl to impress. Maybe I should've gave them a chance anyway... I know they were trying to help but their ambitions wasn't something I saw eye-to-eye.
I blow things out of proportion... probably because of my paranoia and lack of trust and understanding. Hard for me to take things at "face value".
Picture is by my ol' friend "Flare". Fan-art of Disney's Toontown Online.
Linkin Park - Lying From You
I find it funny how related your story is to mine.
ReplyDeleteThe being pushed around, the creation of a "mask" and at last, but not least, the ending up in isolation and solitude.
For some time i shared with you the role of the "tough" guy, shielding my soft inner self from the outside world. But instead of getting rid of the problems, fulfilling that role only led me to even more problems.
It was not me who was bringing them in the first place so i took the wise decision of avoiding them, which led me to seclusion.
"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger"
As time passes, you learn how ignore and smile upon the adversities, and even laugh with those who are picking on you; you learn how to sharpen your senses and become a better observer, which leads to becoming a better judge; and finally, you learn the most important thing of all: patience.
I don't regret my past, for it has made me a better person.
If there is something i regret is the fact that i had to learn to live along with solitude, which sometimes leads to preferring to be alone instead of looking for the company of others. Not that i don't like being in their company, it's just that it no longer worries me as it did.
But then again, there is no blessing without a curse...